MS and Fear

Multiple Sclerosis is such an unpredictable disease that if your not careful, your life can easily be run by fear. My mom now has a noticeable gait deficit after 21 years battling MS. She experiences constant fear about falling in public. Since she is in the stage of MS where it progresses pretty quickly, she has been falling more often due to her losing her balance and the heavy feeling in her right leg. This past July I got married and it was important to me for my mom to walk me down the aisle because she had been the one to raise me by herself. When I formally asked her to walk me down the aisle she had major concerns about walking down a long isle with tons of people watching. It was like I could FEEL her fear. I let her know that in that moment, it would be just me and her; don't think about anyone else. She continued to offer up ideas about my father, brother and or uncle walking me down the aisle; she was scared. Her last words to me before she decided to say yes was " I don't want to take away from your day" and my reply was "We are in this (MS) together, get your flat shoes ready"
 

I'm in the airport on my way back to Bloomington Indiana. I have just had a wonderful visit to NY to visit my mom and then it happened...
Multiple Sclerosis rears its ugly head once again. During my visit I noticed that my moms gait is off and she drags her right leg. Her MS has affected the right side of her body and her legs have progressively become weakened. I received a call 20 minutes ago from my best friend.  She has an extra key to my moms house and let me know that my mom had fallen and was on the floor. As I sit in the airport fighting back tears, (okay I didn't fight too had because I let the waterworks flow) I ask myself  "why does this have to happen"? My emotions are completely all over the place. I am in the midst of leaving her yet again and there's nothing I can do sitting here in the airport. I'm searching for answers.

Family and Friends with Multiple Sclerosis

Since my diagnosis in 2010 I have come across several friends and family members who have Multiple Sclerosis. One of the most basic things anyone could learn about this disease is that everyones symptoms are different. My mom has been diagnosed with MS for 21 years. Lately, I have developed a calling to learn more about other peoples MS since I am aware they arent exactly like mine. In speaking with my mother, she explained that her biggest MS symptom that others can not tell by looking at her is optic neuritis or better know as double vision. This happens when the nerves in the eye become inflamed. I can remember being a little girl and my mom went completely blind in her right eye. Since then she has not regained her sight in that eye and has optic neuritis in the other. This is is similar to what she sees in her "good" eye

The second most frustrating "silent" symptom of  my Multiple Sclerosis is having trouble with word recall. Most people have brain farts in which they are talking about something and have that perfect word on the tip of their tongue but cant produce the word. This is my life almost EVERYDAY....I tend to beat myself up asking "Why cant I come up with the right word? Its there! I know it is...Here is a video that I came across today about MS and memory that takes the words right out of my mouth.....No pun intended.

Most people that look at me would not know that I have Multiple Sclerosis. It is important for people to know the hidden symptoms of MS as they are just as frustrating as the visible physical symptoms. The biggest negative symptom of my MS is

1. Memory Loss: You name it, I forget it. Names, places, dates, paying bills, calling friends, appointments and more. Sitting around with friends and family who like to take a trip down memory lane is sometimes embarrassing when I cant recall details of what everyone is talking about. It can be isolating if I don't speak up and simply admit that I don't remember whatever it is being talked about.